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| The Visage of Capital University While most prestigious universities can give you Division I athletics, stellar student organizations and a wide variety of individuals, Capital University can give you something more: none of the previous three descriptions. Never has the phrase “big fish, small pond” been personified so well than at the post-secondary school on the corner of College and Main. With a plethora of exciting pupils, Capital University is the answer to the age old question: “What do I get with $30,000?” Meet your answers below... Sexual Debacle Enforcer If you are not careful, without any question or warning, you will find yourself in the middle of a story that you don’t care about. This guy will usually walk into your house un-announced, and proceed to ramble on about his events the previous night, usually in a louder than necessary tone. “Yeah, man. It was really good last night, man,” he would say. Trying to give him the hint, I would just keep watching 30 Minute Meals. However, he will continue… “Yeah, she just started _______ my _______, dude. I got a pair of her earrings though. I’ll bring em’ over to show you.” Finally, I’ll turn my head and chuckle a little bit. “I’m sorry,” I say, “How rude of me. I forgot to ask you if you got laid last night. My bad. And thank you for talking so loud, because I nearly didn’t hear you 3 feet away. However, for future reference, there ARE astronauts trying to sleep out in space, so let’s keep it down to 90 decibels, eh?” Seeing that I am laying on the sarcasm pretty thick, he’ll throw out a 4-letter word, leave the house, and then I get back to watching Rachael Ray dice up some garlic. Cell phone Elliptical girl Apparently being quiet and focusing is not a trend these days. Now I am a frequent to the weight room and I enjoy working out when I have the time. However, when I do, I enjoy focusing on my motions and try to distance myself from worldly things to ensure the best workout possible. After lifting, I enjoy to finish up with a little cardiovascular workout on the bike. As a plop down on the bike and begin my Lance Armstrong with testicles routine, I notice that the woman on the elliptical adjacent to me is talking to herself. Upon further investigation, I find that she is not talking to herself, but is communicating via cellular device. Here is this girl, breaking a sweat, her breath labored, yet she still cannot be alone for merely 20 minutes so she can work off a fraction of the fries dipped in ranch dressing that she ate the night before. Anger washes over me in an awesome wave, and I use this to win my own personal Tour de France. The Small-college Kegger Douche bag “Wow, someone has a keg! You know what would be great? Drinking from it! You know what would be cooler? Calling ‘house’ on the keg so we could get in front of the line. It’s fool proof!” Beer and kegs containing brew are synonymous with college. However, some folks take it all too seriously. I personally took part in hosting a rather large revelry before the dawn of my senior year. Being a co-proprietor of the dwelling, I had the solitary right of calling “house” on the snifter that I, in some way, aided in purchase. To my amazement, when I arrived at the keg, there were more than a dozen little assholes crying the same utterance. Pressing on to the front and making my residence known, I was confronted by a particular angry individual. In short, he did not care if it was my abode and he did not care if I had procured the beer that he was brusquely going to slake his thirst with. Amazed, I simply looked at him with a puzzled look and inquired “Are you fucking serious?” And like the heartless, peace-of-shit bastard he was, replied “yeah, I’m fucking serious.” It is people like these that make Capital even lamer that I thought was physically possible. If you encounter the small college kegger douche bag, you should take batting practice on their face. “I have sex with my girlfriend” Guy Blabbering on as he had invented the concept of sexual intercourse, this fella can be found in a sub-division of the Sexual Debacle Enforcer. There is only one thing: he has sex with the same girl, and it is his girlfriend. He usually tries to sound hard by starting out with the phrase “So I’m fuckin’ this bitch…” Yet, we all know who the “bitch” is. At some point in his ramblings about where he put what and how it was, I honestly wonder whether there is something fun to this story. I cross my fingers and hope to hear “and then I got crabs,” or “then my parents walked in,” or “and then I found out she had a penis.” But my anticipation were all for naught. These people are also ugly, and should not be invited to parties. (Whipped) Cocksman An orange: bitter on the outside, sweet on the inside The (Pussy Whipped) Cocksman: douche bag on the outside, pussy on the inside Exuding unrivaled confidence, this man could make an easy living out of running his mouth. Making sure that everyone knows how awesome he is and how many girls he slept with, he’ll make sure that even the small, private college has a dipshit. However, if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that this man is actually a shallow, insecure, and scared individual. Because he would rather pursue a nasty skank (see Make Up Shot-Gunner), than be alone. He also drinks a lot, and will not be shy about letting you know. Sometimes, on a quiet night, you can the whip cracking over him. Lame Facebook girl You know the one. The girl that takes pictures of herself and makes them her facebook picture. Because she has no friends, she must resort to using photography on herself. Thank god she isn’t in the Wild West, because personal cinematography would be quite a challenge. Often times she’ll either pucker up her lips to resemble an inflamed asshole, or recruit another girl to create double inflamed assholes. She is not stupid though. If you aren’t careful, she’ll put a fast one on you by using pose #2: looking away. Never mind her pale-from-the-flash arm is taking up 1/3 of the picture, she still looks in another direction, creating the illusion that the picture was taking without her consideration. “Oh…What? Sorry, I was just looking over there while taking a picture. I do that sometimes. Usually when I take a picture of myself from a foot away, something in my room grabs my attention. Sometimes I just catch myself doing a great pose, and can’t pass it up.” The purpose of taking pictures is for memories; To remember the moment that the photograph captured. Do you really want to look back and reminisce on how you used to take pictures...of yourself? The Tattooed Jackass Newsflash! People have tattoos! You aren’t the only one! So you don’t need to wear clothes that show off your shitty tattoo that looks like it was done with by either A) a sharpie, or B) someone with Parkinson’s disease. I am sorry you had to pay hundreds of dollars to make up for your personal shortcomings. By no means am I chastising the purveyors of bodily art. However, let’s be serious. You paid for an entire shirt, so you should use it. A buddy of mine said it best: “I have a tattoo on my ass, but you don’t see me wearing chaps.” Sasquatch She is a girl. A big girl. But not in her mind. She’s hot shit like every other girl… only a lot of it. She’ll wear clothing that shows off her unflattering curves and flirts with all sorts of guys, despite the fact she could compete for a roster spot for NFL Europe. A tank by most standards, some gentlemen will not let that inhibit their sexual desires. Many would argue of her soft skin. But when it could serve as a tarp at Yankee stadium, epidermal suppleness is irrelevant. The Make Up Shot-Gunner Neglecting the idea of natural beauty, this dame will make sure that her face is no longer the same hue. With the artistic prowess of Michelangelo and the style of a kindergartener, she will not stop scribbling and scraping at her face until she resembles The Crow. While over the distance of 100 feet, she may seem remotely attractive, however, upon further review at a much closer proximity, her face is covered with fault lines. A positive would be that you have all the necessary materials to repair a hole in your drywall. If you exemplify any of these traits or characteristics, then Capital University is the place for you! If diversity and modesty are what you are looking for, go somewhere else! Come join the analogous student body today! | | |
| American Heroes Indeed, it has been a long time. Hath no fear, and do not despair, for patience is a virtue. I now bring you many months worth of thoughts. In life, there are often times, people that you take for granted. Like the lady that cleaned your bathrooms in the dorm and the lady who made your burrito at Chipotle (the same lady for me, oddly enough). Without these people, the earth would cease spinning, cats would marry dogs, and the War in Iraq would be called off on account of darkness. This segment of rants is about the heroes of America. The “Shut the Fuck up” Party Girl Every time you go to a party and drink underage, you risk the party getting busted by cops and getting sited for underage consumption. It is the nature of the dance. When these moments occur, there is always a list of things to do. First thing is someone turns off the music. Second, everyone stands silently and motionless, to give the cops outside the idea that the Rapture is indeed real and has happened. Thirdly (and most importantly), a true American Hero enters the picture. If ever the party is much to dense for word to get around that cops are on the prowl, a female will take it upon herself to notify the attendants of the social gathering. Her words are simple and pure and need to be repeated several times: “Everyone! Shut the fuck up! Shut…the….fuck…up!” For increased effect she will go up a couple stairs on the stairway so everyone can witness her fury (and sometimes herpes). If you’re lucky, there will be a guy in the crowd who is attempting to get some of that herpes, and will follow up with a “shut the fuck up” of his own. Usually the moment passes without a hitch, and everyone can continue putting on their ultra-sweet facade and getting herpes. The Miller Hater Another person who goes hand in hand with parties is the Miller Hater. He is usually a guy who, for whatever reason, decides that he is going to will his beliefs on you. As a man who prefers Miller Lite as the beer of his choice, I may spend a couple extra dollars and purchase a case of my favored brew. Then enters a true American hero. He will heed you his advice such as “Miller sucks,” “I wouldn’t drink Miller if it were free,” and “why are you drinking that piss (mind you that as he makes these comments, he is ingesting Natural Light).” I usually smile and shake my head. Sometimes, however, I retort, coming at him in a fury that he has never seen before. I usually ask him if he likes pizza, to which he replies “yes.” I tell him “pizza fucking sucks but you don’t see me ripping your ass for it.” I actually love pizza. I then ask him why he doesn’t eat something American like French fries. He becomes so afraid and confused that he stutters and begins to back down on his rash viewpoint. In victory, I turn my cheek and drink my 2006 Beer Cup Gold Metal Winner, and he drinks the beer he probably begged and blew some guy of age to buy for him. Nancy Grace Every evening, I want to know what is going on in the news, and what is important in America. Well friends, look no further than Nancy Grace. Some days I just sit there on my couch and wonder “God…I wonder how that whole Anna Nicole situation is going…” I only have to find Nancy Grace on the television for me to get my fix. Immediately, I slake my thirst of how tragic Anna Nicole’s death was, and how many guys she had sex with that want her spawn. Nancy Grace doesn’t need to care about stupid issues, like perhaps using Anna Nicole as an example for girls who have such low self esteem that they need bigger tits, people who are addicted to medication, or the idea of slutting yourself out to the masses to make you feel that much better. Nancy Grace feasts only on drama that involves pointing fingers and blaming (is it so wrong to verbally bash the police after the Virginia Tech shootings, saying that they were incompetent?). Yes, Nancy Grace eats a daily feast of fine news casting and American truth. And we all gather around the table to perhaps get some leftovers. Rosie O’Donnell Nobody is more American than Rosie O’Donnell, speaker of truth, grabber of crotches, enemy of Trump, co-host of the View, former daytime talk show host, and lesbian by default. When Rose speaks, we listen…and then we run. The Ipod Disturber Never mind seeing that you have earphones on and are listening to He is Legend, this person will talk to you as if you were looking them in the eye. It will take them several moments to realize that the laws of sound inhibit their voice to enter your ear due to thick plastic and Schuylar Croom in your ear. Next, rather than simply touching your shoulder, they will yell in your direction, and in effect, make themselves look like a jackass. When their voice projects decibels that override your $250 toy, you give them the “why the fuck are you yelling at me” face. They inform you that they were yelling your name, but you weren’t listening. I would reply “I would have never guessed it. God always told me that there are demons about, but I never thought one would be you.” The Matthew McConaughey Attending parties is a staple of mine. However, I graduated high school nearly 3 years ago, and I do not wish to socialize with that specific demographic. There are heroes out there, believe it or not, who could not even talk themselves into having sex with their own right hand. What better then to invite high school girls, who care more about attending a “college party” than realizing that they are merely cattle in the eyes of hungry douche bags. When there, the guys will hang out as usual, as the high school girls stand in a herd in the living room, cell phones in hand, texting to their “B.F.F” that “there r hawt qts @ the par-T.” Thank goodness for these ladies without diplomas, or else ol’ Matthew McConaughey’s ego would take a hit, and he just might have to develop a personality. Yellow Tooth There is a rather attractive woman who attends my university. She has a nice personality and has nice friends as well. What is it about her that makes a hero? Well it’s simple: her teeth are yellow. I only wish she would visit my house sometimes with her friends so that I could see if anyone wanted to brush their teeth with me. It is hard in today’s fiscal world, but one is given two choices: brush your teeth or tan more. The Sub-par Self-Esteem Wench You’ve heard all about the sperm dumpsters and their tear-jerking stories about how some asshole “played” them. It is tragic and it gets me all misty every time I hear them. It my part of the conversation usually goes like this… “Wait hold on…he was making out with another girl in front of you at the bar? What do you mean he does this all the time? You’re not gonna say anything to him? No, it’s cool. I think it’s good that he has enough self-esteem for both of you. Sure! I’d like to hear all about the breakup when it happens in the not-too-distant future!” Or how about this gem…”You went on a date huh? How’d that go? It didn’t go very well? Why’s that? He was WHAT? He did WHAT? How dare he be nice to you and open doors! What a jerk! He ain’t worth your time, girl! I know! Whatever happened to guys who treated girls like shit? I know, I think you were much better off complaining to me about that one guy than with this loser.” Finally, to witness the true embodiment of the word hero, look no further than this. If you ever encounter one of these people, be sure to shake their hand. For without them, life would be boring, and boring is un-American! | | |
| People Who Can Bite My Wiener
There are a great number of people in this world that piss me off (obviously). Hailing from the city of Ft. Wayne, I am constantly immersed in a sea of douche bags with their pink shirts, popped collars, crappy ass driving, slutty girls, and just guys who think they rule because they go to college in town and leech off their parents in terms of automobiles, cellular phones, and shitty clothes. However, documenting my contempt for the people of this town would probably take me until I can collect my social security, so I will only stick to celebrities. There are many people in the entertainment business that make me cringe by their demeanor. Being a huge sports fan, athletes tend to number this great list more than others. I will now present to you, the people who can bite my wiener.
Michelle Wie
Everyone talks about this little golf phenom as if she were going to stop global warming. Every time I turn on ESPN, they talk about Michelle Wie qualifying for some sort of tournament. However, I am dazed to see that she is yet to win any major tournament. What baffles me more than anything are her constant attempts on entering a PGA tournament. I think that’s fine and dandy, but she hasn’t won shit on the LPGA. If I were Annika Sorenstam, I’d kick her tall, bony ass for trying to cut in line. Try getting 67 tour wins and 9 LPGA majors first dear, then I’ll let you pass. I would rip on her more, but because Adam Carr likes Asians, I will spare her more ridicule. Michelle Wie: Bite my wiener.
Michael Barrett
Mister Barrett, you punkass. You first crossed over to the douche side when you tried to pick a fight at home plate with my boy Roy Oswalt. Sure he hit you with a pitch earlier, but it was 2 weeks earlier. Roy stayed true though, and did not dare stoop himself to Barrett’s level. Strike one, Mister Barrett.
The next time I heard about Barrett, is when he bumped into speedy outfielder Dave Roberts after Roberts had hit one of his 21 career home runs and crossed home plate. Nobody knows why Mister Barrett would then bump into such a kindly regarded baseball player such as Dave Roberts and I’m sure he had hostile intentions. That is Strike two, Mister Barrett.
Finally, the most recent and most infamous Barrett story, his challenge of fisticuffs with Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski. For those of you who did not see, A.J. Pierzynski did what most baseball players would do when the ball beats them to the plate: he took out the catcher. The act was not out of line, and is frequent in baseball. However, Barrett took offense to this, stood up, grabbed Pierzynski, and punched him in the face. The melee ensued, and Barrett was appropriately fined and suspended.
Mister Barrett that is strike three. And you can bite my wiener at that.
Britney Spears
As bad she is a singer, she is an even worse mother. Somebody needs to tell her that when you are pregnant, you are supposed to take better care of yourself. No smoking, drinking, or blowjobs. However, when the trashiest couple (Federline, you douche bag) brought the baby into the world, that didn’t stop them from living life in the fast lane. Babies don’t need special car seats, they can just sit in Mommy’s lap, and if Mommy gets in a wreck, baby will bounce off the air bag into the back seat, and out of harms way. And last time I checked, spiking your baby like a football on the pavement isn’t “in.” Britney Spears, you sleaze, you can bite my wiener.
Barry Bonds
For already known reasons, you can bite my fucking wiener.
Just hot off the presses: Ben Roethlisberger.
Oh no! Have mercy! He was nearly killed! Don’t be so harsh! Well, if you want mercy, then go to church. Just because the guy was seriously injured doesn’t stop him from being an idiot. I have no problems with motorcycles. However, I do have problems with people riding motorcycles without a helmet. All of his major wounds (broken jaw, nose, head laceration) possibly could have been avoided, or at the very least lessened, if he had bothered to wear a helmet. He wears a helmet on the football field around fat people and fast guys, but he can’t put one on when he’s riding his motor cycle at 70 miles along with other speeding vehicles. And if you’re too concerned about looking stupid in a helmet, chances are you’ll probably look a lot dumber with your jaw wired shut and a giant scar on the back of your head. Ben Roethlisberger, you can bite my wiener…after your jaw is working again.
And finally, anybody who doesn’t like the song “Last Night a DJ Saved my Life” can bite my wiener.
That does it for now. Now if you would excuse me, I have work in the morning. Until next time... | | |
| Year In Review Version 2.0:
The Sophomore Nuggets of Wisdom
Another year under my belt. I have again, compiled a list of things that you should know and things that piss me off. Enjoy!
"Take some chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no when you need to. Fall in love. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Tell stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell an ass hole how you feel. Let someone know what they're missing. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Live life and smile while doing it, because it only happens once."
- Let’s get this out of the way. I really hate anecdotes about life. I can’t help but laugh at them though, because people actually act like it’s their goal in life. Little do they know that people fulfill this little blurb. Especially the "dating someone wrong for you." If I had a dollar every time a girl dated the wrong guy, I’d have so much money, I’d be bribing senators.
- All men are gay, it’s just whether they admit it or not. Because I’ve never met a man who didn’t like his own penis.
- Wedding Crashers is quickly being killed as fast as Anchorman and Napoleon Dynamite was. Don’t get me wrong, I love regurgitating a good movie line, but only when the time is prudent. Try quoting a book or even better yet, think of something original. But quoting me, that's still fly as long as I get credit.
- If I ever have to listen to another stupid ass musical about people with AIDS, I’m going to upper cut someone. I fucking hate Rent. Sorry Allison…
- People wonder why ugly people are still on this earth, and how they reproduce. Two things to keep in mind: alcohol, and Gutterworm.
- I have been criticized for owning several Tom Cruise movies (if you don’t remember, I crowned Tom Cruise Douche bag of the Year for 2005). In all factuality, I do own his movies, and I do think he is a great actor. However, there’s a difference between liking a person, and then liking his work. Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson are two great actors who I hate (I hold Mel Gibson in contempt because he basically condemned his own wife to hell...seriously).
- At times today, even though it’s in the past, I still wonder how George W. Bush got re-elected. Last time I checked, his approval rating was hovering at a colossal 32%. Fear not America, because nationally syndicated conservative radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt insists “He’s right where we want him to be.” I hear this and wonder why people still find it necessary to support him. There is no shame in admitting wrongdoing.
Needless to say, I am happy to hear of the recent criticisms Republicans and the rest of “Jesusland” have made vocal about Bush and the rest of the GOP in a recent poll. Now if they could only go back 6 years when we could have used this precious knowledge. I wonder why it takes people so long to realize this. But then, I remember that people actually enjoy Larry the Cable Guy’s standup.
Some of you might label me a liberal. That’s fantastic and very original of you. But if you actually stopped being a dickwad, and looked up “liberal” in the dictionary, you would see that it is defined as: “open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.” This leads me to believe that you, who probably used liberal as a means of a curse word, are probably ignorant and vote for a specific party ( Democrat or Republican, I don’t care) because mommy and daddy did. If you are going to label someone, you should probably at least find out what it means.
How dare “liberals” be open-minded! Why aren’t they more intolerant? Do you even listen to what you say? Do people even know what they believe anymore? Or are we all lost sheep?
- You know, if you put an earring in the left ear, and you look in the mirror, your reflection is gay.
- Now I understand Jesus' righteous anger, after I saw somebody in church with a popped collar.
- Nothing tickles me more than people who mention their interests, and have God/Jesus and getting drunk, smoking, and getting shitfaced in the same breath. Sort of a contradiction, don’t ya think? These are usually the same people who when times are tough, they quote some bible verse or want God to "take the wheel." Well, God very well may take the wheel, but chances are that you’ll still be the same idiot as before. People only talk to God when they need him to bail them out, and they're lucky God is so forgiving. Congrats, you own a bible, and you can quote verses. That doesn't make you holier than the next person. Or how’s this for some sweet reasoning: God says all sins are equal. We all know that homosexuality, murder, cursing, and wearing clothing of two different materials (yup&Leviticus 19:19…say something, now) are all sins. Last time I checked, drunkenness (Romans 13:13) and boasting (1 John 2:16) are sins, too. That’s right, you bigots who find it necessary to rebuke homosexuals are no better than they are. Always be sure to pick and choose what parts of the Bible you live by. Never mind any other quotes about charity, good works, treating others nicely, or just being HUMBLE. You need only make sure you put something about God up about yourself, and you’re safe, because God is always Facebook. I’m sorry, but few things anger me as much as giving God a bad name. I don't mind people drinking, partying, and having a good time, but please, have some modesty and leave God out of it.
*Please spare me the criticism of using the Bible to correct others. I simply use it as a means to illustrate that the Bible says many things, and perhaps it shouldn’t always be taken in a literal sense, especially when admonishing others. And please, spare me the "Judge not others, lest ye be judged" routine as well. Learn something else.
Well, that's all I got. Keep doing/saying dumb things, or else I'll run out of things to write about. Until next time... | | |
| The Sickest Online Rap Battle in History
What you are about to read is an actual freestyle rap battle between two colleagues of mine. This battle of epic proportions was done on AOL, for safety of the people around us. It is your job, as an avid reader, to decide who shall be crowned the "Freak Beast." The two fighters are Nathan “Worm” Kish, and David “Papa Bear” Huffman. NKish12 represents the language of The Worm. Davehuffcap represents the expressions of Papa Bear. The words I bring forth were the actual ones used. Nothing has been altered. You are about to witness some of the most beastly verses anyone has ever read.
Disclaimer: Some of the language used in this battle is harsh, and is not for the faint of heart. Do not let anyone under the age of 17 read beyond this point, because of the graphic nature of the writing, and because of the sick ass rhymes. Get ready for hell…
Nkish12: ey yo ey yo, listen to my flow, i thought by now you'd know, i ain't no little ho, but i'll rake you up like a leaf, no matter if jesus is your belief, come on dog your'e big and ugly like queen latif ah, uh huh, ah na, all you spit is blah, they call me the sickest one of the kishes, even if you have three wishes, you will never get my rap, cuz all you have is crap, another dude sucking off your lap, so don't get slapped, with my right hand, or maybe its my left, cuz i keep it hot to deaf
davehuffcap: huh huh, u talk like you aint a lil bitch, but everytime i see you suckin dick in a ditch, you act like your strong, but you got a 3 inch crooked dong, you talk like you got some kind of pace, but in a second im going to be sittin on your face, huh huh
Nkish12: damn dog its time for me to murder you, put me on death row cuz i got a killer flow, you and your little boy want to laugh, but all i do is get dirty and take another bath, tell your new girl i'm gonna give her a pearl...necklace, she better get a new life, cuz i'm gonna get real trife, this shit is murder dog, you can't even jump higher than a frog, layin still like a log, creeping the fog, the only shoes you wear are clogs, sitting on your farm, raising your hogs, go suck another pigs dick fucking hick
ok all jokes aside, i'm about to get inside, you and then your chick, shes gonna eat a four course meal my dick, more like four letters, cuz she said nates dick is better, last night all she could do was bite, on my balls, you tell me i'm gay, but heres what i say, you have a boyfriend named peter, and you catch more balls than derek jeter, i'm talking big sweaty stinky balls, that have skin on them, yeah i'm going to jail like lil kim cuz my flow is illegal in these streets, i flow on aol fuck these beats
davehuffcap: ok ok, yo yo, i think im in the rap game, im tryin to get some fame, i keep findin out im just lame, kish is my name, bitch, you flow like a prick, prlly writing your rhymes with your lil needle dick, your from scrubby beachshit, and still suckin on mommys sweet tit, your dad is prlly in the pen, been in there since he was ten, i was hittin your mom last night, even though she was as tight, as a folded up kite, i be makin like 3 figgas, u beachcroft bitch prlly got a neighbor thats a nigga
Nkish12: damn dog you make me want to cry, cuz i said you were good but that was a lie, you probably eat mad dick and say it tastes good like a pie, look up in the sky, and might see mi, oh no, i mean me, n a t e, fucking all the b's, dog i even fuck girls in trees, yeah thats right dog i fuck squirel girls, and then i put they heads in toilets and give em swirly swirls, cuz they loves me, i might just fuck your moms and then squirt, good thing youre a nurse cuz you about to get hurtok dog this is the last round, and no more fucking around, i'm ain't no fucking clown, do you see a red nose? na dog all you see is little muscles and fucked up toes, they call me the worm cuz i make bitches squirm, they call you the germ cuz nobody wants to touch you, come on dog you's a straight loner, all you do is jack off big boners, and then you lick em, guys asses all you do is stick em, noses, all you do is pick em, give me a challenge dog make me work, you used to my friend but now you just a jerk
davehuffcap: yo yo, ha ha, you keep talkin like i dont have somewhere to be, u cracker as nigga dont even have a GED, i got a bootycall at one, and kara really wants us to make this son, so im goin to have to leave you, to go see you boo, cuz your dick looks like a tiny stick, and she doesnt want her kid to look like a retarded worm, so im going to have to make that slut squirm, so ill see you in like a couple seconds, just let me make that girl sing, yelling DAVEY DAVEY YOUR MY BIG DICKED KING!
The school year is nearly complete. Year in Review Version 2.0, coming soon. Be vigilant... | | |
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